I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
