god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
