never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
