I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
