Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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