I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
