Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
