Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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