I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
