If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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