Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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