Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
