I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Randomize
