I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
