Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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