I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
