I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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