remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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