So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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