you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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