See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
