Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
