and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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