You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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