Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
