quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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