i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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