You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Your cock deserves a montage
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
