I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
