my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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