In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
