You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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