Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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