maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
