somebody snuck up and got me drunk
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
