She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
