hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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