Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have already put on my inside pants.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
