i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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