Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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