Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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