ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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