where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
