Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
