I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
