After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
