Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
