Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
