You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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