i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
And then he peed in my hair
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