Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
